i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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