My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
