at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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