Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
