her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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