Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
