we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
