I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
