You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
