My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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