His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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