I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
