doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
