My nipple is on Facebook.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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