And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
