cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
