Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
