Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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