so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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