she was so not down for the gang bang
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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