Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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