I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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