I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
then he tried to convert me to islam
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
