so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
