Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
