My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize