I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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