Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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