you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
