Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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