I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
