if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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