dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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