Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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