Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This toilet bowl is my home.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
