need another drink. this is the easiest way
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
whose parrot is this?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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