i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
