he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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