Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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