i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
