so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
