their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
