Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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