went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
