it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
