we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
