If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
