margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
