Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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