I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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