the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
