I wanna bring you to show and tell
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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