I smell stomach acid.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
