you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
