I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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