What did we do last night that was yellow?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
