i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
