Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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