It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
