Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
