My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm passing your future prison.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
