yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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