so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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