Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
