There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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