i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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