I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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