ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
