I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
