I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
