You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
