Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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