Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
